Last

I am going back. To the place where I should remind myself of all the obligations.

Do it well. With fullest self.

And I still pray that, am able to smile and laugh in the way I am.

Live your life to the fullest. With all the challenges and people.

Hold my hand. And let me forget all the pain.

" Play hard, learn hard ".

Hold on this.

I mean it.

Dont Love Me

Is hard to love.
It might be mean from me.
Sometimes it just,
drenched into my mind.
Dont love me.

Just because.

Why AnSoc?

A week before the release of final exam result, I was on a whatsapp chat with my close friend. From our conversation, I was inspired to write this blog post. Before that, I encountered the same thing when another close friend of mine actually sent me a pm and told me the same problem.

Well.

So I think I should write this. Affirmative.

Two days after I have gotten my result, I was completely ready for this post. Till today, many of my dear friends are still asking me how was my result, text message, pm, all channels that are available, that I did not even given them a proper answer. Aww sorry for being such annoying. Low profile bah my style. *Silly smile.

For I know, I mind more on " Why AnSoc?". True, my results have made me over the moon. I was delighted, but for only two minutes, after letting my mommy to know this news. Believe it or not, she is the only one who knows, besides my daddy. The thing that am more concerned with is what makes me to think more on this course, after I have known so many of my friends are struggling in this field, and how the outsiders have underestimated this field of ours.

*** ***

Why AnSoc. Why AnSoc?

A year ago, I was told by my most close-knit senior that the result in your second year degree shows your survival in your course.

"To see who is good enough, you gonna look at the result in the second year, where it has really get into the real course."
Her words  rang in my ears now. But the challenges are ahead thou. So I have made deeper and deeper thought on this. And I come to a clear-cut to make it simple and precise.

So the demon in my soul is asking me : Why AnSoc? 

[Interest] and [reality].

Why AnSoc. When I know that my friend is struggling in this field, frankly, I felt bad. Just couldnt see her being such upset with this struggle. People in this field, at least in this second year of degree could really know, how tough it is to get through all the subjects.

It was really hard. The toughness of the subjects make me proud when I manage to get through them after a profound hard work of mine, in all aspects. I was trying so hard to fit myself and verify my spirit that -- am in the place I have opted to be, even though there is another land that I should had been there.

The first week during my first year degree in university, I was on a call with my relative. God knows, how I felt when the other side of the phone was saying that " Why did you choose this course? It doesnt ensure you a bright prospect Ris! "

Steady. Like I always do,  I replied,

" This is my choice."

“You just couldnt see the reality Ris! After this you shall see. You know this course is less well known in ...."

Whenever I choose to be steady, I am.
I make it through my way.
Regardless of that wet blanket and much "encouraging" words.Imagine what has knocked a uni newbie. Am glad, my heart wasnt ever shook by her words.

Human. Oh human.Whispered.

*** ***

Throughout the years in my degree, sooner I found that this hard course has drowned me into the realm of maturity and wider horizon.

So one day, a quote came across my mind. I made it after reading a text message from my friend who lamented on how her friend actually doubted on what she is currently studying.

"We dont study merely for money,we study for a brain. Take note.
Dont underestimate others' knowledge and field."

For a brain, a thoughtful and matured brain. Yes a scroll might ,determine the prosperity of the future. Somehow, people just went too far away, the purpose of getting into a higher institution is swayed away in a very implicit and realistic pace. Which is annoying au fact. 

Interest and reality. 

Being a social science student, or more specifically, an Anthropology & Sociology student, simple, am proud to be. I enjoy what am learning. I enjoy the knowledge within. 

You never know, how my head cracked thinking of a single word "Ethnics". "Culture". "Deviance". "Reproduction". Burrowing your head in Marxism, Capitalism, Rousseau and Barth. Whatnot. 
How I struggle in questioning myself on the religion issue and cultural distinction. How I question so much and keep myself upheld with the thought that animals are equal with human that many of my friends are trying to "rescue" me. 

Suddenly. I thank so much to them who always try to answer my questions. Countless questions and doubt. 

Those are the basics. But they have already pushed me beyond the level of thinking that I ought to have. A wider mindset has been instilled in my encephalon. In every aspect. Beyond my field.

You might think we are weird. But we are making thought on things that you underestimate. 

AnSoc, is never an easy bun to be given a bite on.

So, interest and reality. You may say that interest is still interest. Reality=Money ?
So a student in professional studies( doctrine, nursing, veterinary, dental, law, etc.) is guaranteed by a gleaming future?

Even so, (which is usually social-stereotypically yes）, I still strengthen much on the amount and diversity of knowledge gained.

By the way, this is a post written using a social scientific spectacle, so there is totally no any offense on any field of studies. Am particularly stressing on the brain and knowledge used.

Simple example. You drag a dog on its neck and tell me it is exactly lower-class than human. You pray hard but you pretend to ignore an old nanny in a MRT. Well, I wont give a damn on your academical degree or what course you are indulged in. You are just a scum.

This reminds me a sentence of a book I read recently, by Haruki Murakami.

" This poor world. Pathetic that these people are studying for pointer, walking fast across the society and quickly they create a petty and low society. These lowlife."

This is why, am always questioning so much on religion. The same case here. The society is way too stereotypical with these angles. Education level and knowledge in your brain is completely different things.

So back to the topic. Why AnSoc.

Once during a talk with my friend, I heard this:
“People might think that we're weird and we only live in our own world.”

Thinking over and over again. Again and again.

And one day I replied.

We cant change people's mindset on certain things.
Rooted racism and objection on cross-ethnics marriage, for example.
Or, like I mentioned earlier, people think that our field is dull and unsecured.

"We cant change. But we could impress them via our talk and thoughts."
 This is what I believe and I am still implementing it in my life now and then.

Maturity matters. Especially maturity in thoughts and the way we view the world and creatures.
Maturity on how to be a right human.
Am still holding on this.

This is the only reason why am always wish to gear up the spirit of my juniors in faculty, especially that of AnSoc. Given a post in the faculty, am always upholding the belief that I have the responsibility to assist them more.

For I know, many of these greenhorns, are deliberately headless houseflies.
No offense, I mean. It is the social reality that many of the people nowdays enter U without a specific reason. Without knowing, the direction.

They just study, for the sake of study.

It has been shaped by the society.
" We are shaped once we are borne to this world."

You enter an U, because daddy mommy told you to do so when you are in the Grade One.

" You HAVE TO enter U so that you have a bright future, son/girl."
Familiar, isnt so?

And I know, things just isnt right if we never behave in contented manner. Life isnt on a pointer nor a hell scroll. Of course it leads way in some of your steps, but your mind, minds more.

Bill Gates did not pass his exam paper during his school time. His friend did. And now that friend of his is the engineer of Microsoft, and Bill Gates owns Microsoft.

You'd get this kick behind.

AnSoc. AnSoc. Think bout it, Why you are here in this field today.
We say the beauty of different flowers are being judged differently by different eyes, so do when it comes to different field.
You may think that my field is lower than yours, but to me my knowledge is more than it should be. 
Respect others' field. Do well in your own field.

*** ***

Then suddenly, I hear a voice of a lecturer, whom I really keen on, telling me with a warm heart.

" Just remember, dont give up your dream."

[Interest] and [Reality].

One day, you shall see.

Remember, Dreams come before conditions.

Effort. Am still holding on. Effort matters a lot. A lot.

Run, even its mud beneath your Nike shoe. 

 " Anthropologists are people who ask smart people dumb questions."
Be the smart scholar in all means.

Feed le demon in you.

I mean it.

Questionable. Questions.

Questionable. Questions.

I don’t used to blog when am in campus.
This is the first time I do it right here at this place I have indulged so much.

Cause I can imagine how worse the scenario is over there, yet I can’t help out anything.
Prayer seems less convincing right at this moment.
Suddenly I feel a strong emptiness and bored. Regardless of how strong I am.

This song astonished me today.

Sometimes I try not to talk
And sometimes the words come out right
And sometimes I speak like a child 

I can’t help anything. I do not know how, which I have seldom been through like this.
Being a person who stands on own in every single thing, I don’t use to tell the deepest in my heart. Laughter just veils up everything. Life challenge can collapse me Au fact, but I have made that decision to go on.

It wasn't  a choice, it was a decision.

I question a lot. Uncountable questions are in my mind even when am sleeping.
There’s a saying that everyone is a philosopher, even when you lay on the ground and scratch your head, asking
“Who on earth I am actually?”.


You question, you think, you are a philosopher. 


I have asked so many questions that exposed me to too many truths and made me came to a realization that, I won’t ask for more.

Religion. Rights. Relationship. Leadership. Parental. Upbringing.
Even, death.

I have questioned and made too many thoughts on these.
I have to admit that many people attempted to answer my questions which I appreciated so much, even thou I still couldn’t get the answer to answer my questions.
Guess I am undergoing a great metamorphosis in both thoughts and actions now in the second year of my degree.

                                                    But my feelings have changed
                                                          It all seems deranged

When I question on religion, when I answer on death.
When I question why religion could be a barrier and eventually a consideration to give up starting on many relationships.
When I question why some of the LGBT friends are still being looked one kind by the community. When I see the leftover on the tables and the lil cats are urging to eat them and the boys are ignoring them.

When I see people are eager to pick up fame rather than working out for the people.
When I see that a single trivial things can become an issue among religion.
When I realize people are seeking for fame rather than learning to be good and professional leader in every opportunity.
When I see that some feelings are fading and ambivalence comes all along.

I feel it, my leb.

I'm still holding on
But my feelings have changed
It all seems deranged that I stuck here
Alone in the dark
And you carry my heart
As we're playing our parts 

When I question, I won’t get answer. The questions are just don’t designed for answers.
I know these questions are ambivalence, but they are thinkable.

You may ask me why I think so much on the value of religion, because religion overwhelms humanity.
No doubt. This is neutral. Thinkable.

When I was asked by my respectable lecturer ,duirng a conversation with him.
"So what religion are you in?"

I guess my answer gave him a pondering moment. And I believe, having such answer gives me so many questions today.

I couldn’t expect more on certain part and people, since I couldn’t give in much.
But I really question a lot.

Working hard alone isn’t easy task, fighting with self-ego in dark isn’t a peaceful errand, struggling with internal rationality is never a worth doing thing, questioning on my own freedom, wouldn’t give me any rescue.

Sometimes I dare to be weak
And sometimes I try to be strong

 

The more I encounter, the further I move on. From my daily encounters, in my organizations, my studies, my conversation with the grown-ups and colleagues, as well as the heart-to-hearts.

That I wouldn’t ask for more.

I gave up, I missed up. I couldn’t tell more that sometimes life is just a dart to me.
I try to throw it the way I aimed but I simply sway away. We couldn’t choose on getting arrived in this world, we can only choose to live out a life. 

When I was in a game, we were told to write down what are the things we think of want to throw away and do not want to see it in the coming New Year.

[Being too forgetful and forgiving]. I wrote. A superficial one.

So I think being too understanding is not a wise way. They love me well,

They told me to live my life to the fullest.
They told me not to be too understanding towards others.
They told me problems are meant to be solved.
They told me not to be too good and soft.
They told me to consider myself before considering the others.
They told me to go on without any worries.
They told me not to give up pursuing my dream.
They told me they are proud of me.
They told me to walk my obligations by all means. 

So I question. and questions came back to me.
I don’t know when do all these questions are going to be answered.
Perhaps there would never be, but at least I let them know, they are so many questions that we ought to question but people just taking them for granted. 

The more I question, the more I learn.
And this learning would never cease. 

When I look into the answer, I wish for the earnest ones.

Backing off is never my choice because I have learn to give myself a chance.
Until when I have given up on the worthless hope. 

So we know, life is never a definite answer.
Don’t tell me how devoted you are. How intelligent you are. How wise you are.

Live a humanly life.

I mean it. 

To Lead and to Follow

"True leaders dont create followers,
they create more leaders."

好难得 那些天

不是三个白痴的故事，是一个人的故事。

于是这次的假期即将在明天结束。明天的这个时候，我在飞机上。

听上千遍的[好难得]和[一个人不可能]，知道了自己不舍得回去的原因。
回去，一个人了。
纵然心里依旧知道，太多事待我去实践。
完成不完的挑战。

还有的是，

[矛盾]。
我没回应的那一次。

不是矛盾，只是不想知道那是个矛盾点。

于是，这次的假期我又长大。Level Up？

工作和学习。认识和认知。

说说这次的工作。与上一份工作截然不同的工作，秉着凡是皆有其意义的信念，我在这份工作里头找到了说多不多说少不少的智慧。人，事，物的智慧。

人类学的伦理始终萦绕在脑髓提醒。

社会学的知识始终围绕在心房警惕。

际遇和学习。

和教书不同的性质的工作。

每段故事的主角，在脑海里留下足迹。

我们拥有各自的方向。

这里聚集了来自不同方向的我们。

一起学习

工作

合群

[放吃]

这里的许多故事许多背景。

我们聆听我们学习。

社会的缩影。

我能确定的想念。

这两张面孔。

常说凡是必然是注定的。

如果是你的，最终还是会是你的。

最后一天的今天，短暂的相聚。

好聚好散。

但是绝对不会是速战速决的认识，

对吧？
因为趣味相投而聚集的健谈和欢乐
谢谢你们
好好照顾自己
因为我们距离太遥远

在我们身上
我找到不同层次的成熟
我们从彼此学到了不少
下一次的相聚
还是那样的我们

吼。

STORY -- THE SCORPION

"An old man saw a scorpion drowning and decided to pull it out from the water. He calmly extended his hand to reach the creature. When he did, the scorpion stung him. With the effect of the pain, the old man let go the creature and it fell back into the water. The man realizing that the scorpion was drowning again, got back and tried to rescue it but then again it stung him. He let go of it again.

A young boy standing by, approached the old man and said, "Excuse me Sir, you are going to hurt yourself trying to save the evil-vicious creature, why do you insist? Don't you realize that each time you try to help the scorpion, it stings you?"

The man replied, "The nature of the scorpion is to sting and mine is to help. My nature will not change in helping the scorpion."

So the man thought for a while and used a leaf from a nearby tree and pulled the scorpion out from the water and saved it's life.

MORAL LESSON:
Do not change your nature. If someone hurts you, just take precautions. Some pursue happiness while others create it. Let your conscience be your guide in whatever you do."

好难得

"缘分只是自欺欺人的天真"

‘……不是你走在前面，是你觉得后面的人走得太慢。‘ -文雄

我懂得。

It Goes On

Life,
goes on.

Kick

Again and again,
the kick.

Challenges

                           

     " A boat is safer in the harbor,

     But this is not the purpose of a boat ”
                                                               -Paulo Coelho

Give the Heart A Break - SG

So a week after the trip to USS with mommy, am back to SG with my loves.
Again, random decision.

We are there.
With ourselves, our own selves.

It was a short journey
a real short one

but the feelings are there

cause we are ourselves
we enjoyed ,
the moments

The entire trip was nice and calm and full of laughter.

Like what we used to be.

And this is the main highlight of our trip.

*Grin

Believe me or not,

there were six of us,

girls

and thanks so much for the grilling!

 We talked we walked we laughed
until the time urged us to the separation
with the cute lil girl and her kind friend.

So they are the ones.

you laugh the most with

 you talk the most with
no matter
where we are

Just too love this picture

its just too real and funky!

We were tired

and blessed.

Till we bade goodbye to this girl

we know theres a belief:

friends are always the ones u are most comfortable with.

Another ten years.