In a box

Sunday, 20 December 2015

Tell Me to Cry Out Loud


In my toughest time now,
I need a strength and an arm to hold me tight. 
Keep silent and hear my breath.
Dear Heart,
Am in my toughest time now
Tell me where can I go.


 COL
Cry out loud.
and where are you



Saturday, 12 December 2015

On A Night Like This


"Surprised I haven't eye rolled myself into another dimension yet"

Lies are told to most beautiful eyes.
You think the eyes can't see;
The heart could feel;
The brain could tell;
The lips could keep mum;
The mind could hide a decision;
The bond could break;
The hands could wave goodbye;
The love could fade.
.

Thursday, 5 November 2015

Keeping Mum and Shutting Up


If only words could express, what's in my heart.
The only way is to write, to a piece of screen, with my heart screaming endlessly.
I won't speak anything, anymore.
It teaches me to stop being myself, the selfless self. You stupid self. 
Trying to understand and love everyone.
Do they do the same?
No.
Trying to look upon everybody thinking that all creatures are worth to be praised. 
Do they do the same?
 No.
You are in the valley of your own self, don't think they know you.
 Adrenaline restrained, I would tell you it is an endless mare.
And the remedy is value measured by money. Listen, money. 
Sincerity and true heart means nothing in real world in all bonds.
It's all about investment, isn't?

Monday, 19 October 2015

《睡前说今天发生的三件好事》Preview


If I love, I love thoroughly. If I decided, I do it its ultimate.
 Don’t move to me and scribble my script,
you can mess up but you won’t make it work.
For I will mend it and make it freaking crystal nice.
For every chapter, I know what I am doing.
If you wanted be in my script, be a good character. 
        
18102015- EyeRis

回来升学后的第二个星期天。特别想写的今天。



猪,你的真心单纯吗?

18102015 摄于 Jong's Crocodile Farm 的婆罗猪(Bornean Bearded Pig)


  • 你的真心?
“你为真实而非幻想熊熊燃烧,

定义你的不是外在环境而是渴望的力量。”

 
《睡前说今天发生的三件好事》这本书会成硕果吗? 霎那间我问我自己。出席奖学金面试,教授们又说了同样的鼓励,希望能看到我有朝一日在大学出版自己的书与刊登文章。哥给的鼓励还有你给的支持和到目前为止表现的热衷始终是我的动容。


一星期的时间过得不快,却也如小溪般缓缓的小心的流逝。


如果[真心]是众所皆知的以时间衡量,我总是偶尔积极地期许着时间赶快过。

可是,我却又止步。



半年,一年,一年半载,两年?是不是时间变长了就能更为确定?是不是时间久了一切的[如果]就会证实那股坚持那把执着和那场伊始被定为的孤注一掷?



这锻炼并非毅然。这挑战显然冒险。





18102015 摄于Jong's Crocodile Farm 展览中心


而我选择了淡然对待。相辅的淡然。
如果真的我们都愿意兑现那些如果,我们都会努力。少点期许,再少点。

如果把所有的对话分析分享记录下来,出一本呕心沥血绝非不可能。种种心理学历史讲义情绪分析人情世故的分享的确注入了许多了解与认识、认知。

比起从来没有的甜言蜜语,这确实是最醇的酒,呗。



猪,你的笑有多真?

18102015 摄于同一只猪 (0.0)
 
  • 决定了,拼。
当我的硕士企划书在两位SV过目后是赞许不断时,我知道我必须做到最好。那挥不去的自我要求压迫又来了。

记得我在路边凳上拨电给她时, 她对我说:“ 你必须作出抉择,这样下去如果你真的念了硕士,却做不好到时候会变成我骂你。" 

我记得我淡定的回应:我做了决定,就会做到最好。Co-SV问我是否对手上这个题目感兴趣时, 回答了一样的答案。

“你是个坚强的女孩,你知道该怎么做。"


他们的坚定的点头,让我心安。他们在我身上投掷的鼓励和信任,一直没有间断。

不知道这股倔强来自哪里。我却在二十三岁这年, 认识了我自己。 重新认识我自己。

哥的一言一语让我知道那是我要的哥哥。

妈咪的各种反应让知道,她终于知道我一直是个超乎她知道我懂事独立女儿的事实。

你的出现,让我复习了自己对感情的态度。我压抑,也讶异自己的态度。


许多抉择需要勇气。挣扎和心悸与压迫让我发觉,你只有你自己,没有人会帮你。跌倒辉煌,情伤感动,都得自己承受自己庆祝。

通过第一轮面试,前方还有第二关申请。一轮又一轮的期待、B计划、后备计划、还有最坏打算都作了。

就让我自己晒呗,我告诉妈咪。兼工申请也呈交了。从上学期为了预备硕士学费而偷偷开始做的承载学生的生意也继续了。能做的都做了。

别说听天由命,说看老天瞄得到我与否呗。说呗,为我感到骄傲。因为那是无与伦比的累。

对,姐姐说过,“你对自己说不累,你就不累。”


16102015 ZAMALAH 奖学金面试


好,我不累。可是我不能否认每天闭眼不到两秒就沉睡却半夜起来思考的事实。

当身边朋友一个个诉说害怕眼前挑战,我却残酷的说,既然决定了就必须做。Solve it.

与其浪费时间窝在我臂弯泪刷刷的杞人忧天,何不起身寒窗苦读?
何不想法设法解决问题?脾气情绪啥等极品哪?
  



 18102015 清晨的奔跑找回我自己的方式。聆听风的方式。


 
  • 我的善良?
 

“你的善良没有你想的那么脆弱,累了没有关系,

十分钟或十天没有正确的想法没有关系,你的心灵,

比起伏变动更强大,你的真实本质永远会胜出。”




你问我为什么我不吵架。
好友问我为什么她三番四次跟我找碴给我脸色我都不生气。
她们叫我不要太善良。

无数次平衡的压抑自己的气愤,诠释那些束缚为正面,诠释那些不安为挑战。我可以自私的请求一次狂妄自大的爱吗。幼稚。

“有时候幼稚时需要的。"

当你疼爱对方时,你想要的只有维持和了解。只有退一步海阔天空。只有安平。我只要信任和尊重。当你跨越底线,底线,那深不可测的底线,会是一场悲剧。你会永远失去。

如果爱了,就简单真实的爱。就像你对父母的爱,曾何虚假过?

试探,心虚,比较,埋怨,嫌弃 …… 你能想到的所有贬义词, 在各种关系里头都会有其存在的可能性。

而程度则取决于你在正在经营或有可能继续发展的关系里头,投入了多少筹码。当你觉得改变不了对方时,唯有你作出改变。

我压抑的不奢求与介意,不是没有憧憬没有释怀,而是,我需要勇气。勇气去,承认,承受。

不是改变了,是长大了。我没有变。

当你奢望你想要的优点时,你又给了多少优点?当你渴望你不愿说出的关心时,你又给了多少关怀?尊重?

一味舍身为其所思,将心比心确实积极正面,但久了你得到的或许只是对只身修养的增值。




Good friends are destiny.
 And I believe there is nothing different for me to love both my friends and lover with the similar [Love]. 
Love is simple,  human is complicated.
When I love, I love thoroughly. Regardless who you are.
As far as I know if you're worth for the love.
Even you're a bug.
I love too. Like how I lifted the lil bug from the sink. 
That is love, don't ya think so?
Love is effort. 


“The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; 

it's learning to love the person you found.”




Ris night.

Morning Ris.




 

Thursday, 1 October 2015

这不是个选择,是个决定。

幸福是一点一点积累的,是一天一天经营的。不要去伤害喜欢你的人,也不要让你喜欢的人受伤害。一个人就算再好,但不愿陪你到老,那他就是过客。一个人缺点再多,但能处处忍让你,愿意陪你到最后,就是幸福。人人都想找个十全十美的爱人,可人总有缺点。爱就是相互忍让,彼此真诚,共度一生。有个让你一辈子开心的人,才是生活的目标。

当一切拥有和执着成为一种伤害时,放弃便是最好的归宿。谁又能理解谁的多少痛苦;谁又能懂得谁的多少伤痛,泪,没挂在谁的脸上,谁不知道它的冰凉;伤,不在谁的身上,谁不知道它的分量,或许,你能看到眼中的泪花,却不一定能读懂心中的悲凉,或许,你能看到身上的伤疤,却不一定能理解心中的忧伤,在落泪以前转身离去,留下华丽的背影,让心灵轻松地上路。

摘自http://mother-lov.blogspot.ca/2015/09/5_26.html



我们充分地珍惜最后一次聚在一块儿的时光,
虽然也许真的那么一天,只是生命中的一个插曲,微不足道的插曲。


01.10.2015 
三个月十二星期的实习期在9月30日凌晨十二点结束了。 我在报告里头以那么一句作为结尾:

Last but not least, thank you, thank you and thank you to all who have given me 
knowledge, encouragement, advices, care, confessions, lessons, and happiness. 
It is a great time for a stage of growth. 

蠢还是敢,一线之差。报告对吧,我的感想最为重要不对么?

好快。也让我知道自己原来对离别厌倦了,是成长的另一个阶梯。厌倦不是残酷,是磨练的狠心。倘若不舍,那拥抱会更难分开。那追逐会更激烈。
呗书书,我爱你。

决定离开公司选择硕士这个很呗的名词的最后一天,呗书书似乎知道我将离开,乖巧的依偎在我的怀抱里。那是一种疼爱,爱护。一段缘分。我无法能再抱着她,让她吃猫饼喝着从公司一楼里窃来的白开水。但这是个决定。这也让我想起了在六月份突然离开我失踪的狗WooWoo, 当下我知道至少她先离开我,好过我留下她独自回家去。

忆起曾经和Ah Yeong 与 Anna聊天时提过,二十三岁不再是你我可以嗤之以鼻的数字。

"是个责任。说的每句话都是个责任。"

当时,在驶着车的蓉毅然点头赞同,娜则捂住耳朵不情愿明知是道理却不愿赞同的可爱脸。

【责任】。

阿界慢慢长大的掌心。

工作。亲情。感情。

在这三个月里我的眼眸注入了新的知识,领悟,脸庞,笑容,眼神,注视,激动,思考,是另个新的篇章。而现在我把这些收好,接着行走接下来的路途。我知道日渐繁冗的责任意味着每做一件事,每说一句话,每想一个构思,每做一个决定,都务必把错误降到最低。一旦错了,立即想解决方法。这既是我在那个痛心因过失而得自动地赔偿时刻告诉自己,不论原因是什么,就是错了,心疼破财也罢,该负的该付的我会做。

当他们语重心长甚至怜惜到生气我又蠢又固执的硬性格,那股凡事自己扛拒绝他人帮忙的死性格时,我看到了自己。老板与我促膝长谈关于我在公司去留的课题时提及了对我的观察:
“独立,思想独立,有能力;但是有时候,必须让自己的路好走,尝试接受其他人的帮忙。不要自己一个人。”

当下我的脑海是怎样的想法,我似非似懂,那好比当那晚他向我透露他对我的感情时那种释然却怀疑的思绪。感激也是一回事。蠢呗,总是过头感恩,回头看自己,像妈咪说的:“你一直可怜别人,谁来可怜你?”

感激的是,在他们眼里的我是正能量的;而然,理性却总是拉扯着内心对赞美的崇拜,甚至将一个又一个赞许拒绝。

这些天走在数不清几公里的路上,树儿们最真实的只有陪伴与聆听。

听着的【可不可以不勇敢】细数着我心坎里的每个羊肠小径,说着我多么压抑自己的强迫。我不敢去证实自己的快乐,却一味设身为他人。久了厌倦找上门也不奇怪。你无数次问我:为什你不早点出现?我的答案依然是每个出现在我眼前的人固然有他她的意义。好的,是精彩;不好的,是经验。

“快乐的秘密,是握紧那不经意撞见的美好时刻”,如果握紧了,会永久吗?直走吧,朝着我要的明天,走吧。

你说的希望不要走,我听见。不安不确定总是在脑海里指示,提醒我不要回头。

昨日在诚心的夜晚结束,而今天我脚下重新踩着学术味儿的Chuck Taylor。

这不是个选择,是个决定
This is a not a choice, this is a decision.

不带走一片云彩。


Sunday, 20 September 2015

Dudu. Adudu.


Good morning sunshine. 
                 A beautiful ray of bliss was captured while having breakfast with sista and browder.

Was wandering in Daiso Mid Valley Megamall when Nicky told me that Dudu was able to speak, last night. Until today(while I was having a break from this blog post, Nicky sent me a photo showing Dudu was able to joke and speak to the visitors: Nasrol, Kak Fai, Mama Bear and another friend of his.) Such a great news to everyone and a very delightful relief, don't ya think so? 

A very blissful picture sent by Kak Fai to Nicky. 


Dudu's accident was a very heart-aching news to us. It happened on the day I was hit with another heartbreaking (perhaps?). Falling down from the stairs with unstable grip on the rope caused Dudu to be taken to Hospital Ampang immediately and was in a very critical situation. By the time I was told on this, the first thing I went to his Facebook. That morning at 3 am we were still receiving his Whatsapp message regarding on ICE. 5 hours later he posted a picture showing he himself and a few comrades locating at the top of abandoned Highland Tower. Thought of "What the hell is he doing in that abandoned and dangerous place?" came up to my mind. Various scary and fearful pictures flash over my eyes and suddenly I felt so painful. We all know how he could always be distracted with his handphone and camera. That's why.

Okay, put aside on the friendship chapter. All we know is Dudu is a very passionate photographer and fine art artist. The period he went to Schlumberger for his Internship, he told us in Whatsapp group that he has lots of stories to tell us. Well you have better back on track, you promised us to be our cameraman on convocation okay. Hahas. We can imagine how he could fell down in a circumstance that all his roommies and cousins who were walking ahead him were safe and sound. Only him was hit with mishap. Brain injury isn't a trivial matter. 

It is a very heart aching news when you know your friend is lying agonizing in the wad. I was fear and worried. It reminds me on a traumatized experience on my lost of friend years ago in High School. A very kind hearted Indian friend of mine, Tanusha. I remember how  I crossed my fingers tightly, stood beside her cold body, speechless and fear with feelingless face all along the way back to HS.
(Blog post on late Tanusha on http://dodoeyeris.blogspot.my/2011/07/tanusha.html)

We pray that Dudu is safe. Nicky and I then keep each other in the loop. But somehow we did not want to annoy the others like Kak Mei Mei and Abg Kery who went to visit Dudu. All we could do is wait and pray and plan if there is a chance, Nicky would come down from Kota Bahru and I will go up to Ampang. Many of our friends were asking in shocked after seeing my picture in Facebook and Instagram, how could it happened?They were shocked. Many friends of Dudu came along to visit him and keep the others updated. Kak Mei Mei was one of the messengers for Nicky and I. Sincerely thank to her for being a helpful sis.

Now he is able to speak. Rest assured this is positive, isn't it?

What came into my mind was when we were sitting in the canteen of SMK Tatau, Bintulu in the past April. He came and called me to get back my seat, "Makan dulu, jangan gila kerja boleh tak?" Followed by the laughter of Nicky, Fredo, Boy and Nisa. That was the time when we all got to know more about he himself whereby he is always seen as a happy-go-lucky person.

I laughed in bliss. The bond between me, Nicky, Dudu, Fredo, Nisa and Boy(Flona) were established tightly during a voluntary programme UNIMAS Gives Back: Youth of Borneo 2.0. No offense, believe it or not, we name each other "Nok" and Dudu could be the head of the group since he is always the most annoying one, hahas!

Back to the time when I know Dudu was in 2013 when we were both involved in Minggu Aluan Pelajar 2013/14 under Bunga Raya College. He was always neatly dressed-up in the morning and came down with his Crocs green signature sling bag everyday during MAP. Together with other team members he contributed so much especially in helping BRC to defend the victory of BRC in statue building. The LOs were awesome and indeed, Nang Antap. It was my first time being LO under Abg Salihin and Abg Norsyam as well as Kak Mei Mei.Very precious moments. That was the time I got to know Dudu. But the real bond was rebuilt even better since Y.O.B 2.0 and we all created so much memories after MAP 2014/15.


He started to mess around with us on the first day of Y.O.B 2.0 road trip.
 This was taken at Serian. 


Dudu is always the camera mastermind. You don't have to worried that you would be left out of nice remembrance.

During our trip Oya Homestay at Mukah, he sat in the living room with his lappy, editing the photos. A joy maker indeed.







To a certain extent, we could say he is a very crazy friend Hahas! He grabbed us for this series of photo shooting, occupying the middle passage of entire coconut plantation and told us to change our Facebook profile picture. The winner was determined by the one with highest click of Like. 




 We ended all works at SMK Tatau, Bintulu after a week of voluntary work. 

At SMK Julau. It was the first school we visited on the first night. Excitement and perfection arouse in my mind, wanting to accomplish my obligation. Being the main organizer, I was very proud of them that they were always with me, despite they have akin or even more similar experience than I do. All of us were/are LOs and very experienced event organizers/participants. This is how we learn from each other. They would stand by me, waited for me whenever I was away to make arrangement for the team. That is why, group photos are always six of us. Except.... Boy who always busy around with his anak hayam. HAHAHAS!


And how he became the scandal with our driver, Spencer. Hahas!


Writing about Dudu is a way to pray for him while all his Muslim friend are having their way of prayer for him. And everyone's prayer was heard. Dudu is getting positive today, he is such a strong person. So you say the concept of One Malaysia does not need to be too hardcore, we never bother who you are when it comes to problem and mishap. What we mind is humanity.

Fredo and Boy are Iban, Nicky is a Siam-Kelantanese Malay and Dudu is a Malay. Nisa is a Sarawakian Malay. But wait, what ethnics you are is never an issue, honestly I am still unsure on some friend's ethnicity. Shall we make friend without knowing what ethnic they are? This is what supposed to be! We are different in age and field but when we are gathered to accomplish a task or to share, we walk in a line. From Civil Engineering to Plant Science to International Economics to Art Management and Anthropology & Sociology until Fine Art, when we are under one roof, we talk in our language.

Well, what life teaches us is to learn from everything. Dudu's incident tells us many many debris of lesson. One of the most important messages is, please treasure your life.  Everyone in our life gives a significance to us, regardless of whether you are close to him/her. One once told me, to define whether you are [closed] to a person, isn't measured by time but by the quality. Some friends could be good friends though knowing each other for a year, but some ten-year friends aren't good friends either. A pity? Nope, all it needs is just some league and kick when confronting with the person in your pupil.

Whatever it is, what concerns me the most is how you perceive on the term [friend], no matter who is it, you would definitely feel a ripple of unwell and heart ache when any form of misfortune hit on any acquaintance around you. Perhaps no for you, but at least a yes for me. Empathy and sympathy are different things.

Sincerity and humanity surpass everything.

Hope to see you all soon, Nokss!


Friday, 18 September 2015

Sing me a rain



All it takes:
Two days time, 
One night of deep sleep,
Ambivalent feelings,
Undefined vagueness.
Denied anger,
One Solera Ice-cream.

Are you okay? They ask in concern. 

And I smiled,
feelingless, like usual.
No more grin or revel smile .


These two lovely feelingless totems were taken during my trip
with Wafa to Pasar Seni on 12th September 2015.
 They are steady and still. 
Hey, Totems, can you cook me some rendang now?



驾驭内心贪婪的红绿灯


哲学家之所以成为哲学家全权归于她(他)的思想。 没事我们也来想想。至少上哲学课的时候这么的觉得却也没顶顶跟着这些思想家一起多想了一些。没有他们想的那些道理,哪有今天坐着颤抖捉头皮死命让自己聆听(毕竟真正感兴趣且愿意学习的在这个披星戴月的年代简直是屈指可数)然后把这些尊贵思想家所想的道理记一遍然后考试时再写一遍。

好呗,这些道理,你领悟得到,就是哲学,反之,它们对一些人而言是泛泛之谈。




Taman Sri Muda 折返 Kota Kemuning 的替代路线。


搭着T530 返家的每一天,我都在想。

那天,我顶着忙碌一整天已经白目了的眼眸还有快撕裂的头颅,看见十字路口的红绿灯。突然感应到:

红绿灯与人的关系,好比宗教和人。

对于宗教我一直有着的是不置可否的世俗观念。凡俗化和世俗化的把教育从宗教中分离,分割出来。世俗是门知识。而人类的解放则是透过这门知识从而得深入一层的蕴意。

接触人文科学以来,我一直秉持着宗教创造人文社会,还是人文社会开启了宗教的篇章。撇开历史(历史也是人写的),字面上我一直执著的认为人类与宗教之间存在的只有一个关系:依赖和克制。贪婪的人类依赖着一个建构出来的宗教以好给自己一个“不太过分的犯错”。

换言之,人们依仗着的是一个被自己迫着去屈服承认的信仰。如果没有了正常操作的红绿灯门儿呀,有多少人会自动自发的循规蹈矩,老老实实地礼让着其他公路使用者?并非没有,但是,少之又少。 于是又于是,红绿灯成了“控制"人儿们内心里小魔笛的工具,遏制了潜意识的鲁莽,造就了被压制的"规规矩矩”。

好比, 你说 "我很想朝我这背弯上刺个青,可是......我的宗教是不允许的。''
抑或, 你说 ''在我的宗教里,吃喝嫖赌是错的,是个罪 / 孽。''
还有还有,你自信的吹擂你要捐血,理由是:'' 在我的信仰里头,捐血是可让我上天堂的积德方式之一。''

道理就是,与其说你捐血是在爱别人,不如说你其实是自私的在爱自己。 自私的。 
我重复,自私。

你爱你自己多过你想去爱你眼前的这个人。自私。

字面上看来是一个信徒对自身宗教的虔诚没有错。但蕴义却是我不得不否认的”压抑“。人们对自己内心自私的压抑。没错,这就是[宗教]在许多人脑浆里的[用处]。他们会拍拍胸膛说:没有宗教,人们会失去方向;没有宗教,人们会犯罪。

于是,宗教成了一个操纵[欲]的标杆。人们成了其他人们诠释出来的宗教的傀儡。不是否认人神共存的实与虚,而是正视人们内心里被压抑着的贪婪自私无耻和......贱。

说白一点,与其在意撒手人间后是否上天堂下地狱,不如在世时多爱万物多做好事。你我不敢承认的其实就这么一点:人们死后,还是自私的想[享受]。好比许多人在世时已经绞尽脑汁为死后铺排,要土葬要立碑要购买风水好的灵位等等。转头想一想,人固有一死,要重于泰山,不意味着铺张。你好事作多自己爽就好呗。

红绿灯和宗教的对照,不置可否。




我们家"无界"没有宗教,被姐姐哥哥带回来时也是在一个嘛嘛档友善的想和几座穆斯林同胞食客打招呼,却被嘘嘘的嘘走。阿界没有宗教,他根本不懂宗教不懂samak,他的宗教是生存和成长。还有,吃喝拉撒。简单 。没有自私。

我们和他玩,他和我们逗;我们爱他,他爱我们。

你没办法去给你的爱,因为那内心的自私,在牵拌你,怂恿你让有可能爱你的人离去。

言毕,是时候走了。


Friday, 21 August 2015

That Tough Decision will be a Tough Jouney


Another phase of my life journey was taken an oath today. A decision was made and the talk was walked. A step of next milestone was started.

Yesterday was a dream, today is a result. How many times the debris of words playing in my mind, telling me : Don't give up your dream just to please a person. 

The night I cried by the roadside, a lady came out from her massage shop, looked at me and passed me a box of facial tissue. How blessed I was, looking at her and I smiled. I stood up after a cry war and self struggle, walked to her and said, "Mdm, Thank you,". The moment I walked in the dark and busy route, my heart was struggling, very very painful. 

I have been losing myself, to please the authorities. When everyone is telling to be "a little bit mean" and "bad", I asked myself, why should I tell myself to do so? 

" Because you are way too kind."

They whispered to me. My mommy, and the person I talked to when I cried and walked without knowing where should I head to. "You are just a kind girl," said the two ladies. 

To a certain extent, I do not know if I am good enough, after all people saying " Good job, Iris!" to me. Those  times I was devalued, I felt helpless, hopeless and selfless. I have never living the life I want. This is not a romanticized saying but a cruel bloody truth.

The moment I shivered and ran out from the roar of blaming and screaming upon me, I couldn't feel myself. The feeling was interesting and strange. Stop scolding me, stop scolding me, I repeated. 

I wanted to be a bad girl, that night. Thinking of staying at McDonald but wasn't sure whether it is a 24-hours McD. I regretted to be a good, kind girl in those days when we were supposed to be rebellion.



Blacky the pretty cat cheers me up every morning, giving me a bling of smile from the bottom of my heart. Feeding her biscuits looking at her, is such a beautiful memory to me.



Everytime I talk to people, I feel happy, even they are rude or impolite to me. Really happy. Times like that I train myself to hold back all kinds of temper or anger, but to talk back or write back nicely. Time gives me a precious growth in talking to others learning to look at the beautiful part of others, but I ended up being the most nothing-at-all victim. Well, at least I look at the world with a beautiful heart.

An open-minded person, should have a open heart too. Open minded doesn't mean westernized, Americanized or whatnot. It is how you look at others with a beautiful heart. 

This tough decision of mine, will be a tough journey. Go on, Iris. There's no way back.

Wednesday, 19 August 2015

A Lil Reason to be Happy, Everyone is Beautiful Today.




A beautiful morning bus T530 ride to work. Rainy cloudy morning. Everything seems so beautiful.




A lil reason to be happy when I finally get the chance to treat myself a nasi lemak at such morning stall. Gerai tepi jalai. Suddenly I asked myself: "Why the thrifty life? Eat something full, Iris." (But right after this I bought myself bread for tmr's lunch. Useless.)

Mommy used to buy me in all Malay stalls when I was in hometown and I miss that shoo much. Here,this is the first time I see an Indian pretty kind kakak selling. Look at the Indian utensil jag and many types of dhal curry. So I treat myself with a typical nasi lemak with telur goreng. I said sorry for I dont have a small note. 

Then I walked far away to another grocery shop to purchase for two breads. After I got the change I told the uncle with my silly polite smile,may I get one ringgit instead of green RM 5 note cos I wanna take bus. He smiled and said Okayy no problem (with his head shaking hahas). Then I walked back crossing the beautiful flowery road with two young browder sweeping the pinky flowers and they smiled in bliss when I gave them a smile with appreciation, back to pay the kakak for my nasi lemak. 



The beautiful pink flowers fall from the trees, accompanied by a pine tree behind them.

A taxi driver who was having his "self-service" by the stall taking white dhal,smiled at me and said "Yes?Anything?" 
When I reached office and came out to feed Blacky the black cat with biscuits, the Indian aunty and Chinese uncle passed by and smiled politely,

Everyone looks so kind today. People are beautiful this morning. Even the bus driver nodded his head contentedly when I told him thank you, being the last person who got down the bus and the only one who said "Terima kasih bg."


Mommy, this is nice. I send you my regards from here. Hehes. RM 2.50. 




Tuesday, 11 August 2015

The Men, Bus Stop Sri Muda



Having the 730pm T530 bus from Sri Muda back to Kota Kemuning has become their daily routine. Befriend with all RapidKL drivers and talk around. Sometimes the white shirt smart casual with Jeans and brown shoes handsome very fatherly-look uncle call me to get up to the bus, with very cool style. 
I remember during my first ride in that bus from a totally strange place to another totally strange destination via a extremely strange road like a zombie ride,I was telling myself this is an opportunity to learn. Ask. So, after some distance, of course am sure I was in the right bus, I asked him when he was going to get down at AEON Big section 32. I asked him in Mandarin,

"Excuse me,Uncle, Jalan Anggerik is somewhere nearby here right?"
"Anggerik? Anggerik depan. "

Till today, this was the second time he asked me, "Do you speak Mandarin?"
"Yes, I do."

Today he added some more lil questions which he seldom want to (because I was just arrived in the rain and I greeted him), like
"You know Hokkien and English?"
"Yes I do."

And then he told his friend with an artist hat, "You may just speak English to her what." Very friendly smart uncle, a retired man or what idk. Have been living in KK for 15 years. Looking at them, I feel like they have a painting in them, with many colours, some have been faded, fading and some are bright, like they love their every day routine and conversation as well as interaction with people around them.

Well I have never comfortable with people thinking am a Banana or sort of thing like that, proud no definitely. A Chinese should be fluent in Mandarin, no offense, at least this is what upheld and taught by my family on me. Am always appreciate my mommy who sent me to a SJKC(which initially wasnt her decision but eventually mommy made a sharp change in decision). Root. This is why I love languages and sociology.