In a box

Friday, 23 December 2016

Love ?

It isn't love, when you don't even care.

Day after day and years after years.

Pinky promises and sleepless nights.

Sudden awake, telling us human: Love is effort.
The effort which I am sure I could give you, but I never believe I  could be loved in the similar way. 

 Let all you do be done love.

I did, but should I?

Monday, 25 July 2016

Please allow me

I made a promise to myself
If one day
I could no longer see anything
I could no longer hear anything
I would not be sad
But I left my only worries behind
I know I would have not able to see how mommy look as time goes by

So I promise myself
Not to be sad for myself
But be sad for not able to see mommy getting old

Dear heart,
Please tell me how should I carry on
I have been giving my smile my energy to the people surround
I keep everything to myself
I give the best to them
I spread my laughter to the people I love
I guide them at their best
I love them in my way
But what has gotten in return
All the tolerance and understanding are replied blindly
I don't want karma
I don't want good deed

I don't want.
Where has my happiness gone to
Don't I deserve a lil piece of happiness
Don't I deserve someone who loves me
Don't I deserve some ordinary life rhythm
Don't I deserve some chasing of dream
Don't I deserve some beautiful pace of life
Don't I deserve a debris of freedom of thought
Don't I deserve to be appreciated

How should I persuade myself that
"Hey it's right for you to be contented, appreciative and positive in everything and everyone.
You have influenced many people in good
And you feel the breathe of peace eventually"

I don't get this.

All I need is a way out
And all I have is my own.

Oh hell no
The negatives are freaking me out

Tuesday, 7 June 2016



你卻好像 格外欣賞

Sunday, 15 May 2016

Eleventh May: Thank you, Nicky.

Thank you very much, Nicky.
Mommy texted me early morning wishing me a blessed birthday. I rolled my eyes from my sleepy morning, replied her thanks for giving birth to me and stay healthy so we can shopping together when I have more money.This has been my dream upon my mom that I am pushing myself hard, to give her a good life. She then replied me: Thank you for be my DAUGHTER.Well I dont know why she put the word daughter in capital letter bt I know she really meant it.

In the afternoon, she called and wished me again. Asked me if theres cake inside campus. I told her not to worried I have eaten twice with Nicky and friends. She said, Ouhh, do you want Pizza? Let me tell Nicky to order some Pizza for you, OK? I was touched, because she knew I used to like Pizza when I was young but didnt get the chance to eat because mom didnt really want to buy me hahas. Yet she doesnt know now I have no longer have the quench for Pizza nemore.

How I love her more and more. I thank God or whatever gods up there, for sending Nicky as my guidance angel, being by my side for these two years until mom, dad and kor told me , You have a good friend ya. I know who love me and how much I love back. Shes very annoying sometimes and very straightforward when she knows I was hurt in some love matter. She is always there for me but really I wish shes even happier than me because she deserves every debris of good deed. Dia anak Tuhan, and I know Tuhan loves us right. Well am saying this not because she made me a marathon birthday week but I know she is a good lady, sometimes stubborn but still OK lah.

Mom always tell me 近朱者赤,近墨者黑,whoever type of friend you mix with, you will be influenced in their way. And am glad Nicky and I influenced each other in good ways, good virtues and positive auras, no matter in studies, people, family and life experience. Everytime we are in strange place or even danger, we hold our hands tight and be steady, never tend to surrender. Sometimes she teases at me, Wey youre too positive lah. But shes actually keen to those positive ways that I teach her.

Dear god and Nicky's Tuhan, please protect her and surround her with good peoples. Love you 🐸

Thursday, 24 March 2016

We are your ATM

On mom's birthday eve, she received her second gift from the courier at hometown. I sent her a box of multi presents on the next day I returned from field trip. She called up and expressed how appreciate she was on the gift and laughed on the gifts I bought for her: A purple T-shirt (her favorite colour) for her cooking time, a packet of Bubuk from Sibu, a packet of Kuachi for dad, two hair clips from Nicky and I, two vanilla muffin from Sugar Bun (she likes muffin and I wanted to let her try on Sugar Bun's vanilla muffin, it is tasty!) and, an underclothes I bought for her casual time wearing like gardening and cooking. She couldn't help but laughed on my weird presents. It was after she received the first gift two weeks ago from Kor and I, two Korean noodles Aluminum pot imported from Korean.

During the night, I laid on the bed and asked myself how old is she after tonight.
I counted, Deducted from 2016. And I cried.
I used to avoid counting her age since I could understand what age is. I never felt she is getting aged because she is always pretty and beautiful in all means. Trust me, she used to be my proud whenever she went to my school during school days, all my friends and teachers said she is beautiful.

But tonight I cried and I asked my best roommate, "Nicky, how old is your mom?" "60."
"You miss your mom?" She asked next. Well sometimes this demon knows me a lil bit well.

I have had a very very hard time with my mom since young. Well it would be a very long long looong story if I were to write it out, even though am only living on this earth for 20 plus years. Unless, anyone wants to sponsor a publication for me? Okay, am half kidding.

Many of my friends were thinking am afraid of my mom and being a mommy's girl. I kept mum. Because no one knows why am I doing the way that I did not want to offend, because she had a very tough life before I came to this world. She doesn't deserve anymore anger, worries, hardship and whatever negatives noun you could say. And I proved to all her worries, I am not preferring to be protected under her wing, I proved to her my path, my choices in the past stages of life and now, I know I am getting nearer to what she wants in her coming remaining life. I have to let her feel the security in the sense of heart but not material and money, but am still running on the track, for all aspect.

For times I pray to whatever god there is above me: Please give her another 50 years. By that time I will be 70 plus and I could tell my 3-4 children: "Yo, this is your fierce granny, don't call her Wai Po, call her Popo." 

Too many things I have come through, and she is my only means of living. Am not being romanticized, but I guess god sent me to her, and my awesome brother, to protect her, to love her in our own and different way. Sometimes I ask myself, is it true if we are good, we will be gifted back good? If you know me, I am being positive in most of the things I encounter. But beats me, sometimes I don't think if you are kind and good, you will be hit the same. I encounter many times, I asked myself is that fault to advice my friends on something that harm them? Is that wrong to get away from something I know is way out of the right? Is that wrong to be disciplined BUT not schematic? You got mocked and insulted instead of being appreciated. Well, my mom is a kind lady, but she went through much hardship. I asked the earth, why you'd given my mom such path? And I answered myself (because I know earth wouldn't answer me): "But the earth gifted her me and brother."

And since when I realized, materials and value are no longer mean much to her. Everytime she called up and tried to talk to me with the tone she is afraid of disturbing me, I tell her is okay you can always talk to me. Because it is my obligation to listen. She is such a strict mom that she only start to talk to be when she finally accept that am A LITTLE grown-up after I decided to take on my second degree studies as postgraduate student in UNIMAS, a decision of mine that wrap her within. She started to talk to me heart-to-heart and tell me how she feels every time she is sad and down. Often I try to make her think in positive manner, solve her worries and ease her up. In return, she teaches me all the principle and rules in life, guide me even when I was hit by very teriible people and stuff. She would strictly lecture me first then comes her advice telling me to LEARN. Not to give up and be tough. This trains me, how to be tough in being alone.
Wait, of course, she is still the demon whenever she scolds and lectures me.

One fine day during my second year of degree, I found out that: I don't always like her, but I always love her.

For sometimes, I felt bad for leaving her alone with dad that sometimes I really want to say thank you to dad for being a dad. The morning when she unwrapped the first birthday we sent to her, I was in Rantau Kemiding, ready to set off to a village opposite the river. She called up and just couldn't hide her excitement to receive her long-longing pot. Again, I know this lil trivial matter is what she finds happy NOW. No longer the days when she was in Australia, Hong Kong wherever she flied, but now what she wants is: She could get the lil tiny things that she wants. And what means much to her was, her children try to get the stuff for her sincerely. She doesn't ask for 2K bucks, but she called umpteen times to mumble me for sending pocket money to her every month. I insisted for the little amount because I know that little amount gives her a sense of knowing that her children have grown up and knowing their responsibility in life.

Little did I know, they never want to look at the amount, but they smile for our cautiousness on repaying bit by bit to them, not in money but in heart. We couldn't never pay off allll the total amount they have dumped on us. Never.

But what I could do is, I do what I could.

On the night like this, I ain't going to post a picture to wish her happy birthday. But I want to express how I know I have a great mom. Last night when I returned from a teaching session with the Final Year Project students, she called up and shared a story with me. She went to the optical shop nearby my previous teaching center and talked to the young boy who has been working there since two years ago. Mom encouraged him not to give up in studies and get a better job to earn himself a better living. She felt so heartache looking at him a decent boy working very hard everyday wiping the door and glass. Of course, what she meant wasn't that it is a bad job but he deserves a brighter prospect because she told me "I have a son too, I know how a mom feels if she sees her son working like this with some of his hair start turning grey."

I know my partner in future will be having a great mom, one day.

Before I went off to another meeting, I texted her: "Mm thank you for doing a good deed, proud of you."

She told me earlier the other day, when she called up to have random talk. " Ris you must take care and be happy. Mommy wants you to be happy, really happy, not only showing you're happy but deep in heart you must be happy. Find a good husband and be happy in your life, only that I will be happy."

How she knows am not happy, HAHAS. 

And what made me hid my tears was she said, " Anything let me know, I am your ATM." 
I teased at her, "Wow, so rich uh?"
"No, it is just that I will help you because you all are my children."

I know money means a lot in this capitalist-dominated world, but many times I know time can't wait for a mountain of money. We try in all means, starting from being a debit card to her until one day we become her ATM.

Thursday, 3 March 2016


在最压抑的夜晚从桌面上丛丛书堆里揪出刘同的书 暂时逃避我不想去想的问题。

兴趣可以用来打发青春时光, 而专注是可以发财的。(039)

专注。 专注。





Monday, 8 February 2016



领着我 离开







对的人 不对的时间
错的人 对的时间

Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Sunday, 31 January 2016








Monday, 18 January 2016

Master Kering Kontang: Staying In with Humble Meal

Issue of "Malaysian Undergraduates are starving" started to occupy a glut coverage 
in most of the news media since the news of an undergraduate from
 Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM) who was admitted to hospital due to torn intestine
 went viral among the Malaysian with god speed. 
According to the coverage, the student who is currently major in Psychology 
lamented that he has to starve for food because he has insufficient expenses to eat 
which eventually led him to get ill out of over starving.

No doubt, this is sickening.

 And media plays their role at this time.
They started to collect similar issue and found that many undergraduate are facing "similar problem". 
What amazed us is the comments of keyboard warriors and the response of most of the aristocracy, well the ministers.

What is wrong who is right, the highlight is there is such saying happening and is prevailing. 
 Many students rise their voice in regards to this issue, against the wind of the aristocracy.

 Money issue.

Some appear to tell the media how they are lacking of money and have very humble meal, 
 instant noodle the famous Mr Maggie then become the most mentioned keyword.

Well well.

There is no starving, when you are at this age of undergraduate. 
You find way with intelligence. Because you are at the stage of UNDERGRADUATE. 
Find way but not to lament at the END of semester.
 Resolutions of giving free foods are not the perfect way as well, 
students need self-initiatives. 
Anyway, it will be a long story if I were to give a post on this issue. 
However this issue gives me the inspiration to blog this, 
which Nicky and I name "Master Kering Kontang".

We started our postgraduate once before we got our scroll of degree studies,
 just to rush for the application of scholarship provided by the Ministry of Higher Education:
 MyBrain (MyMaster) which accommodate all the fees.
 It was said to be closed down in December 2015 so we decided to rush for it
before it was closed down by the ministry.
Now, it is opened again but it is ONLY applicable for science student (CGPA 3.5 and above).
As  students of Social Sciences, 
 we cried in rejoice because we have did a right decision.

But it was a hard decision.

During the internship period (two months before we started Master studies), 
dad and mommy rang me. 
I told them I wouldn't augment of their support if I were to get my direction in Master. 
I remember Dad said,
"Don't be silly to say like this, it is not as if you are working now and
 still asking for money from the family".

But my stubbornness won. Again.

They would just worried bout me because they know I have never asked money from home,
nor complaining for "no money".
That makes them worried.
I told mommy, if I don't have I will find. I work.
Am gifted the ability to work, just let me to LEARN.

They sighed for my stubbornness.
Deep in heart I know I have great parents.
But I always feel like am dragging them too much that I wanted to be fast and extremely on-my-own.
That's hard but it is what supposed to be.

 父母给的是背景, 自己打出来的是江山

Am holding this so far.

And the experiences start to pile up when you are kering kontang (dried of money). 
Being thrifty has been my virtue since young but when you are really dry,
 you are even thriftier. 
With your scholarship is still on its way from the North Pole, 
still you insist to commit to all commitment to family and 
refuse to stop for a while even though mom was warning me to,

I learn how to FIND WAY and most importantly MANAGE.

Managing from the aspect of


And am blessed to be gifted a good friend, who was inspired by me and 
decided to fight against this battle shoulder to shoulder with me .


we keep ourselves learning and go through all problems.
Be positive in all means.
Even though sometimes it is really hard.

OK, it is way too far.
What am telling you is that,
don't starve, the feeling of starving sucks.
 I tasted before and what was amazing is it get you slimmer

Don't kill yourselves dude.

If you can manage, you won't starve.
You won't have "not enough money".

 Let's us share some recipe for you.


 you can learn to know how hard your mom is in doing all cooking for you at home:
from buying, preparing, cooking until serving and washing up.

 you learn to survive alone.

 you know more on how important money is, when price of 1 kg of French bean 
is RM 9 at Everise but RM 10.40 in Survey Hypermart.
It seems trivial and very "housewife" but am glad that I could understand 
how dad and mommy sustain the family.
You learn to buy cheap rice and not missing the fragrant rice at home.

Flip hair.

you eat less meat. 
We only eat vegetables and eggs. 
The most is Mackerel and Sardine fish.
This makes us happy cause we consume less meat.

your culinary skills improve, marvelously.

you are more disciplined than whoever at home: 
having to wake up early to cook for work to save money, 
clean up the place by hook or by crook so that the rest of housemate could learn from our steps, 
well, if not the entire home will turn into a mess. 
Wash up everything, 
including the kitchen and living room so to keep the house clean
 despite your busy schedule.

the joy of satisfaction when you see the Yummy-look on your best friend and 
you can always let her to try some new recipe like the Chinese Style recipe which she never tried.
Whereas she will do the same to you in the Malay (Kelantan-Siam) style.

The photos are some of our cooking as in the category of
Breakfast, Noodles, Rice, Vegetable, Instant Noodles, Porridge, Dessert and Soup
(since October 2015 till January 2016)

Vegetable Main Menu

Curry Vegetable using Vegetarian Paste

Cabbage, eggplant, long bean, cili padi and celery. 
Milk powder instead of coconut milk (santan).

Fried Cabbage with French Bean and Taopok

Taopok the all mighty star is our favorite.
Different from hometown which sold in string-together packing, 
people in Kuching mostly sell in packet. 
6-10 pieces in a packet with RM 1.70- RM 2.00.
Mommy taught us to preserve taopok by cooking it with boiling water, 
dry it and store at place avoiding from direct sunlight.

Bayam (Spinach) with Anchovy and Scrambled Egg

Cauliflower with Long Bean Anchovy and Black Fungus

Long Bean with Black Fungus
Steamed egg is a good choice for student as well.

Cauliflower with Cabbage and Black Fungus

Fried Cabbage with Black Fungus

Cauliflower with Wok Pek Chye and Black Fungus

There are two types of pek chye:
bigger one and smaller but sweeter one. 

Fried Pek Chye with Kentang and Long Bean Egg

We have been cooking for lunch every morning along the working period.
Cooking pek chye needs some ginger.

Pek Chye with Ginger and Sardine with Tomato

Mixed Vegetable with Telur Mata

Mixed fried all the vegetable left in the end of the day and it is Nicky's favorite so far.
 Weeks later Nicky was asking if we could have this dish again. 
It is her favorite indeed ya.
Then she got a sambal ikan comel from Robiah stall at Pavilion as a grand meal for us. 

 Eggplant with Taopok (cooked with black sauce)

Slightly deep fry the eggplant before cooking it.

Fried Cabbage with Garlic
Like I mentioned,
cabbage has been a must-have basic ingredient on top of all as it is much lasting compared to the other type of vegetable.
Furthermore, cabbage matching with instant noodles is perfect.

Cauliflower with French Bean

Fried Cucumber with Scrambled Egg

All you need is garlic and anchovy. 
Mommy used to fry with dried prawn but we replaced it with anchovy.
"It is all up to you two," said mommy.

Fried Egg 

Telur mata or telur dadar are easy as ABC. 
But make sure you don't overheat your rice cooker if you are using a rice cooker.

 Mixed Long Bean and Sawi

Bittergourd with Egg
Compared to other type of vegetable, bittergourd is apparently expensive. 
If you were to buy it, try it at a smaller but fresh one. 
Enough for two person (approximately RM 2.30).

 Fried Long Bean with Anchovy

Telur Masak Merah (cili giling) with ime
 Nicky's expertise when she was bored with scrambled egg and telur dadar bawang.

 Fried Kangkung and Fried Egg with Cabbage and Mushroom

Fried Kailan with Chicken Slice
There was once I was craving for mom's fried kailan with pork slice. 
So I cooked this for Nicky.

Fried Celery with Cauliflower.
Celery is rather expensive among all but it could last for MANY meals.
Make sure you store it dry.
I have never bought a celery during my study life until Nicky told me she likes celery very much.

Winged Bean (Kacang Botol or mommy calls "starfruit")

Fried Long Bean with Egg

Fried Long Bean with Anchovy and Cabbage Taopok Soup

Mixed Cabbage Pek Chye and Taopok

Egg with Ketchup and White Rice
Even you have no money, you shall have some egg at home.
Daddy always say, even we are poor we could eat egg and rice.
Nicky and I savor this
Indeed, this is nice.
Up to here, you get what I mean?
You will never get starved if you have the initiative to overcome.

The Special Feast

Padi Bukit from Sibu with Cabbage Soup and Sardine

Nasi Lemak
The first attempt by Nicky on Nasi Lemak. 
She used santan for the rice and it smells nice. 
Mackerel fish and sambal anchovy suits the Malay style Nasi Lemak.

 The second time we tried again on Nasi Lemak. 
But this time I used ginger instead of coconut milk.
First, to save money; second, for health.
It tasted nice like the real one.

Soup is the most wanted all-time favorite for Nicky and I.
We could have soup everyday and never get tired.
Guess we are the Cantonese perhaps?

Foo Chow Egg Soup with Mushroom
I always hope Nicky could try more on Chinese food. 
There was one day when Wafa was also in our dorm (during convocation period), 
I decided to cook this for them.
It tasted new to them but it would be nicer if we have black vinegar. 
Mommy used to cook when we were young. 
She mixed some pork mince and corn powder to make it a lil sticky.
 Very nostalgic to me, really.

Mixed Vegetable Soup (Wong Pek with Cauliflower and Egg)
Sometimes when we are too exhausted in the evening after returning from work or studies,
we would just cook mixed veg soup.
All you need is anchovy or a piece of chicken cube.

Cabbage Cauliflower Mixed Soup with Egg
If you are a chili lover like us, you may add some cili padi into your soup. 
It tastes superb and your face turn red after meal.

Bayam Black Fungus Soup with Egg

Wong Pek Soup with Tomato

Pek Chye Soup with Taopok

Wong Pek soup with Taopok

Cauliflower Eggplant Soup with Egg

Sawi Soup with Egg and Taopok


Kelantan-Siam Style Porridge
Nicky doesn't like porridge so it is rare to have porridge in our menu.
(Well, she doesn't understand how porridge means to a Tea Chew lady like me, Ok I am kidding.)
That was when I fell sick the next day after staying up doing some chores on students marks. 
It tastes different from mom's porridge because she apparently ''Fried" the soup first before making it into porridge. 


Fried Kueh Tiaw
A packet of vegetarian kueh tiaw costs only RM 1.50. Enough for a meal ( 2 servings ).
The best part is that it is easy to prepare if you were to bring it for working.

Lala Zaza Superb KimChi Mee Soup
Nicky most proud cuisine. 
It tasted like kimchi as she was using the pek chye (vegetable used to make kimchi).
All you need is some black fungus, anchovy, shallot, cili padi and yellow noodles.

Fried Mee Hun
But be careful while choosing the mee hun. 
Some are made of corn flour and sagu powder while some are made of rice.
The former taste more springy while the later taste softer. 
Our favorite brand is Cap Kenari (with a picture of sparrow),
onnly RM 1.50.
For two meals ( 2 servings each time).

 We tried out local Mee Hun Cap Bunga Raya 
 but it is less satisfactory.
It is fully made of corn powder so it tasted dry and sticky.

Mee Hun / Kueh Tiaw Soup
 If you are late after returning home, you can just cook some Mee Hun / Kueh Tiaw soup.
It is easier and faster. 

Fried Noodles

Instant Noodles

Sometimes we take in instant noodles as well.
But we added vegetable and eggs.
Mamee mee is preferable than Maggie for its bigger portion.

Maggie Curry with Bayam and Black Fungus

Mamee Curry with Cabbage and Black Fungus

Mamee Chicken Flavor with Vegetables

Mee Mamak

 Thai Serda Instand Noodles (TomYam Flavor)
Nicky's elder sister sent us Thai Instant for stock and it tastes superb and spicy!

We cooked them with all kinds of ingredient. 
Very spicy and crispy mee.

Tea Break

Cucur sayur
 All you need is flour ( anchor brand is the best, RM 3.00), big onion, 
long bean/ French Bean and some oil.

We seldom spend on tit bits. 
This saves our money. 
And save us from all sicks.

Most of them are given by friends and family.
So we treasure them. 

Thailand peanuts

Sabah Kerepok Amplang

Kelantan Nestum Popiah

Green Bean Soup
My favorite dessert since I was a child.
Now it becomes Nicky's favorite as well.

Corn Coconut Milk

Nicky's favorite homecook dessert. 
We usually get around 3 fresh plucked corn and 
Ayam Brand's coconut milk trim(less fat) with around RM 2.30.


Well we seldom take meats when we are staying in.
The most frequent dish are the canned mackerel fish, sardine,
 sambal anchovy and curry chicken.

Nicky's sister always worried bout our health.
But no worries, we are eating good!

Yeo's Canned Curry Chicken

Mackerel fish

Tomyam Soup with Chicken

Sardine (Ayam Brand)

 Ayam Brand's sardine costs RM 3.50 is enough for two meal (used to when I was living alone) 
and one meal (two servings).
You can also choose other brand (cheaper) but they taste less satisfactory.

Sambal Anchovy

Sambal anchovy are easy to be cooked. 
Most of the time we have it with Nasi Lemak. 
Just stir it with some big onion will do.
Sunstar Brand is nicer.

Yellow Brinjal Chicken Soup with mani cai (sayur manis-manis)
Yellow brinjal is very common in Sarawak.
Kak Rini used to bring back some from her long house at Kanowit, Sibu. 
It tastes different that the purple eggplant.

 Well up to today these are some of our cooking.
They are some selected picture.
All you need is some basic ingredients: Big onion/ garlic/ shallot, black fungus, anchovy, egg, cabbage (lasting compared to the greenish veg).
 These basic could save your meals. 
Eating in subtle amount and get balanced workout.
You are surely a great university student. 

you would NEVER get starved if you take initiative.
 It saves your money from having at least RM 4 per meal (without drink) or RM 6 (with drink)
and a total of at least RM 8 to RM 12 per day.
 If you are willing to manage your money, you won't get starved.
What ironic is, most of the students get "dried up'' at the END of semester.
Where did your pocket money gone to if you did a well-planned financial plan?
 How could you give your family while having a thrifty life over here?

Manage. Plan. Think.

What inspired me was when I heard my nok friend who is now a working man,
he cooks everytime he returns home late at 7pm.
If a working folk could cook to save money, why a student could not?         

Even if you are tight,
eat a balanced meal.
Even it is instant noodles,
eat with some add-ons.
at least egg and vege,
you afford it, 
aren't you?