In a box

Sunday, 20 September 2015

Dudu. Adudu.


Good morning sunshine. 
                 A beautiful ray of bliss was captured while having breakfast with sista and browder.

Was wandering in Daiso Mid Valley Megamall when Nicky told me that Dudu was able to speak, last night. Until today(while I was having a break from this blog post, Nicky sent me a photo showing Dudu was able to joke and speak to the visitors: Nasrol, Kak Fai, Mama Bear and another friend of his.) Such a great news to everyone and a very delightful relief, don't ya think so? 

A very blissful picture sent by Kak Fai to Nicky. 


Dudu's accident was a very heart-aching news to us. It happened on the day I was hit with another heartbreaking (perhaps?). Falling down from the stairs with unstable grip on the rope caused Dudu to be taken to Hospital Ampang immediately and was in a very critical situation. By the time I was told on this, the first thing I went to his Facebook. That morning at 3 am we were still receiving his Whatsapp message regarding on ICE. 5 hours later he posted a picture showing he himself and a few comrades locating at the top of abandoned Highland Tower. Thought of "What the hell is he doing in that abandoned and dangerous place?" came up to my mind. Various scary and fearful pictures flash over my eyes and suddenly I felt so painful. We all know how he could always be distracted with his handphone and camera. That's why.

Okay, put aside on the friendship chapter. All we know is Dudu is a very passionate photographer and fine art artist. The period he went to Schlumberger for his Internship, he told us in Whatsapp group that he has lots of stories to tell us. Well you have better back on track, you promised us to be our cameraman on convocation okay. Hahas. We can imagine how he could fell down in a circumstance that all his roommies and cousins who were walking ahead him were safe and sound. Only him was hit with mishap. Brain injury isn't a trivial matter. 

It is a very heart aching news when you know your friend is lying agonizing in the wad. I was fear and worried. It reminds me on a traumatized experience on my lost of friend years ago in High School. A very kind hearted Indian friend of mine, Tanusha. I remember how  I crossed my fingers tightly, stood beside her cold body, speechless and fear with feelingless face all along the way back to HS.
(Blog post on late Tanusha on http://dodoeyeris.blogspot.my/2011/07/tanusha.html)

We pray that Dudu is safe. Nicky and I then keep each other in the loop. But somehow we did not want to annoy the others like Kak Mei Mei and Abg Kery who went to visit Dudu. All we could do is wait and pray and plan if there is a chance, Nicky would come down from Kota Bahru and I will go up to Ampang. Many of our friends were asking in shocked after seeing my picture in Facebook and Instagram, how could it happened?They were shocked. Many friends of Dudu came along to visit him and keep the others updated. Kak Mei Mei was one of the messengers for Nicky and I. Sincerely thank to her for being a helpful sis.

Now he is able to speak. Rest assured this is positive, isn't it?

What came into my mind was when we were sitting in the canteen of SMK Tatau, Bintulu in the past April. He came and called me to get back my seat, "Makan dulu, jangan gila kerja boleh tak?" Followed by the laughter of Nicky, Fredo, Boy and Nisa. That was the time when we all got to know more about he himself whereby he is always seen as a happy-go-lucky person.

I laughed in bliss. The bond between me, Nicky, Dudu, Fredo, Nisa and Boy(Flona) were established tightly during a voluntary programme UNIMAS Gives Back: Youth of Borneo 2.0. No offense, believe it or not, we name each other "Nok" and Dudu could be the head of the group since he is always the most annoying one, hahas!

Back to the time when I know Dudu was in 2013 when we were both involved in Minggu Aluan Pelajar 2013/14 under Bunga Raya College. He was always neatly dressed-up in the morning and came down with his Crocs green signature sling bag everyday during MAP. Together with other team members he contributed so much especially in helping BRC to defend the victory of BRC in statue building. The LOs were awesome and indeed, Nang Antap. It was my first time being LO under Abg Salihin and Abg Norsyam as well as Kak Mei Mei.Very precious moments. That was the time I got to know Dudu. But the real bond was rebuilt even better since Y.O.B 2.0 and we all created so much memories after MAP 2014/15.


He started to mess around with us on the first day of Y.O.B 2.0 road trip.
 This was taken at Serian. 


Dudu is always the camera mastermind. You don't have to worried that you would be left out of nice remembrance.

During our trip Oya Homestay at Mukah, he sat in the living room with his lappy, editing the photos. A joy maker indeed.







To a certain extent, we could say he is a very crazy friend Hahas! He grabbed us for this series of photo shooting, occupying the middle passage of entire coconut plantation and told us to change our Facebook profile picture. The winner was determined by the one with highest click of Like. 




 We ended all works at SMK Tatau, Bintulu after a week of voluntary work. 

At SMK Julau. It was the first school we visited on the first night. Excitement and perfection arouse in my mind, wanting to accomplish my obligation. Being the main organizer, I was very proud of them that they were always with me, despite they have akin or even more similar experience than I do. All of us were/are LOs and very experienced event organizers/participants. This is how we learn from each other. They would stand by me, waited for me whenever I was away to make arrangement for the team. That is why, group photos are always six of us. Except.... Boy who always busy around with his anak hayam. HAHAHAS!


And how he became the scandal with our driver, Spencer. Hahas!


Writing about Dudu is a way to pray for him while all his Muslim friend are having their way of prayer for him. And everyone's prayer was heard. Dudu is getting positive today, he is such a strong person. So you say the concept of One Malaysia does not need to be too hardcore, we never bother who you are when it comes to problem and mishap. What we mind is humanity.

Fredo and Boy are Iban, Nicky is a Siam-Kelantanese Malay and Dudu is a Malay. Nisa is a Sarawakian Malay. But wait, what ethnics you are is never an issue, honestly I am still unsure on some friend's ethnicity. Shall we make friend without knowing what ethnic they are? This is what supposed to be! We are different in age and field but when we are gathered to accomplish a task or to share, we walk in a line. From Civil Engineering to Plant Science to International Economics to Art Management and Anthropology & Sociology until Fine Art, when we are under one roof, we talk in our language.

Well, what life teaches us is to learn from everything. Dudu's incident tells us many many debris of lesson. One of the most important messages is, please treasure your life.  Everyone in our life gives a significance to us, regardless of whether you are close to him/her. One once told me, to define whether you are [closed] to a person, isn't measured by time but by the quality. Some friends could be good friends though knowing each other for a year, but some ten-year friends aren't good friends either. A pity? Nope, all it needs is just some league and kick when confronting with the person in your pupil.

Whatever it is, what concerns me the most is how you perceive on the term [friend], no matter who is it, you would definitely feel a ripple of unwell and heart ache when any form of misfortune hit on any acquaintance around you. Perhaps no for you, but at least a yes for me. Empathy and sympathy are different things.

Sincerity and humanity surpass everything.

Hope to see you all soon, Nokss!


Friday, 18 September 2015

Sing me a rain



All it takes:
Two days time, 
One night of deep sleep,
Ambivalent feelings,
Undefined vagueness.
Denied anger,
One Solera Ice-cream.

Are you okay? They ask in concern. 

And I smiled,
feelingless, like usual.
No more grin or revel smile .


These two lovely feelingless totems were taken during my trip
with Wafa to Pasar Seni on 12th September 2015.
 They are steady and still. 
Hey, Totems, can you cook me some rendang now?



驾驭内心贪婪的红绿灯


哲学家之所以成为哲学家全权归于她(他)的思想。 没事我们也来想想。至少上哲学课的时候这么的觉得却也没顶顶跟着这些思想家一起多想了一些。没有他们想的那些道理,哪有今天坐着颤抖捉头皮死命让自己聆听(毕竟真正感兴趣且愿意学习的在这个披星戴月的年代简直是屈指可数)然后把这些尊贵思想家所想的道理记一遍然后考试时再写一遍。

好呗,这些道理,你领悟得到,就是哲学,反之,它们对一些人而言是泛泛之谈。




Taman Sri Muda 折返 Kota Kemuning 的替代路线。


搭着T530 返家的每一天,我都在想。

那天,我顶着忙碌一整天已经白目了的眼眸还有快撕裂的头颅,看见十字路口的红绿灯。突然感应到:

红绿灯与人的关系,好比宗教和人。

对于宗教我一直有着的是不置可否的世俗观念。凡俗化和世俗化的把教育从宗教中分离,分割出来。世俗是门知识。而人类的解放则是透过这门知识从而得深入一层的蕴意。

接触人文科学以来,我一直秉持着宗教创造人文社会,还是人文社会开启了宗教的篇章。撇开历史(历史也是人写的),字面上我一直执著的认为人类与宗教之间存在的只有一个关系:依赖和克制。贪婪的人类依赖着一个建构出来的宗教以好给自己一个“不太过分的犯错”。

换言之,人们依仗着的是一个被自己迫着去屈服承认的信仰。如果没有了正常操作的红绿灯门儿呀,有多少人会自动自发的循规蹈矩,老老实实地礼让着其他公路使用者?并非没有,但是,少之又少。 于是又于是,红绿灯成了“控制"人儿们内心里小魔笛的工具,遏制了潜意识的鲁莽,造就了被压制的"规规矩矩”。

好比, 你说 "我很想朝我这背弯上刺个青,可是......我的宗教是不允许的。''
抑或, 你说 ''在我的宗教里,吃喝嫖赌是错的,是个罪 / 孽。''
还有还有,你自信的吹擂你要捐血,理由是:'' 在我的信仰里头,捐血是可让我上天堂的积德方式之一。''

道理就是,与其说你捐血是在爱别人,不如说你其实是自私的在爱自己。 自私的。 
我重复,自私。

你爱你自己多过你想去爱你眼前的这个人。自私。

字面上看来是一个信徒对自身宗教的虔诚没有错。但蕴义却是我不得不否认的”压抑“。人们对自己内心自私的压抑。没错,这就是[宗教]在许多人脑浆里的[用处]。他们会拍拍胸膛说:没有宗教,人们会失去方向;没有宗教,人们会犯罪。

于是,宗教成了一个操纵[欲]的标杆。人们成了其他人们诠释出来的宗教的傀儡。不是否认人神共存的实与虚,而是正视人们内心里被压抑着的贪婪自私无耻和......贱。

说白一点,与其在意撒手人间后是否上天堂下地狱,不如在世时多爱万物多做好事。你我不敢承认的其实就这么一点:人们死后,还是自私的想[享受]。好比许多人在世时已经绞尽脑汁为死后铺排,要土葬要立碑要购买风水好的灵位等等。转头想一想,人固有一死,要重于泰山,不意味着铺张。你好事作多自己爽就好呗。

红绿灯和宗教的对照,不置可否。




我们家"无界"没有宗教,被姐姐哥哥带回来时也是在一个嘛嘛档友善的想和几座穆斯林同胞食客打招呼,却被嘘嘘的嘘走。阿界没有宗教,他根本不懂宗教不懂samak,他的宗教是生存和成长。还有,吃喝拉撒。简单 。没有自私。

我们和他玩,他和我们逗;我们爱他,他爱我们。

你没办法去给你的爱,因为那内心的自私,在牵拌你,怂恿你让有可能爱你的人离去。

言毕,是时候走了。