With Love and Indebtedness,10June2012
Cikgu Tan.
Korkor and I used to address him this,instead of [ CM Tan].
The moment I stood in front of the mourning hall,gaze fixedly at teacher's portrait,flashes of scenes appeared in my mind.Thousands and thousands of words stucked in my chest.
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Paying my last respect to you,teacher,I couldn't speak a word.You were lying in the coffin,sleeping peacefully.The moment I gaze at your face,yea teacher,you are still the same.Yes,now I know, I have never forgotten your look,after several years.
Knowing you when I was four-year-old.Frankly,the memories are vague.The only pieces of memory are, you were sitting next to korkor with all BM papers,and I were hanging around in the living room.When korkor was dismissed from those one-to-one tuition lessons,I was excited to grab your pair of leather shoe from the shoe rack outside my house,leaving them in front of your foot,and sent you off.Ten years later,when you saw me in Pintar,the first word spouting from your mouth was:''Wah,so big already ya you!''
Human are literally oddball.Memories often appear in eyes when someone is gone.
I recall.I remember.I told mommy,how good it will be,if that time,teacher,you did not feel displeased when I told you that I have made up my mind to bring my tuition class to a halt.I told you I wanted to spend more time revising for the upcoming SPM .Nevertheless,the feedback from you to me was a negative.Those words you said to me,I remember.Indeed,I was disheartened.But,as I promised you,I worked hard in all my BM papers.From Bahasa Malaysia to Pengajian Am,teacher,I walk my talk.My BM paper is always in my palm.
Thank you so much.
[Don't talk the talk,walk the talk]--you taught us this,when we were in Form Three.
How good,if you did not feel unhappy with me.Last week,I told mommy,I am going to give you a call before my further studies one day.It's too late.Tearsdrops filling my eyes,now.I think I miss you.
How good,if you know that,these years,I never forget what you have taught me.I read aloud my essay of Pengajian Am in front of my friends,and Ming Liang Sheng Min were surprised.They told me,the moment they heard those phrases in my essay,they were stunned, beacause I still remember to utilise them,though after so many years.[telah,sedang dan akan],[secara eksplisit dan implisitnya],[mengimplimentasikan],[mengkristalkan],[merealisasikan],[pada masa yang sama],[dalam erti kata yang lain],[visi dan misi],[menyandang obligasi pada pundak],etc..These are the phrases I love so much to use in my high-score essay.Now,I teach my stadard six kids what you have taught me.But,these little generations would never have the opportunity to attend your class,next year,and years after.
It's too late to give you a call.Last night,I requested God to tell you what is in my mind.Did you receive my message?Mommy is disheartened,as well as korkor.Mommy told me those stories when you were in our house.From how you got to know us and how we became close-knit.You got along with us and shared things with us.You were the only adult who was invited to korkor's birthday party.Ops,did you?I don't remember.The only scene I remembered,I was scolded by mommy because I grabbed the food on the table before the party started.haha.I was indeed fond of good food.I wondered if you were there,otherwise you were surely one of the eyewithnesses who withnessed my buffoonery.
I spent part of my secondary school times in your place,teacher.Heading to centre straightaway immediately after school with Guaz,Pauline,Fion,Hui Min,Yee Jia,Joyce.We spent our afternoon there with lethargic body but relaxing mind.BM tuition had been part and parcel of our learning times.
From sitting right in front of you,until I moved to the back seat.I was glad that every task you gave,I completed with passion.I love BM.Yet,you enhanced my enthusiasm on it.Tell you secretly,I love to be called by you during the times you disscussed exercises with us.Haha,it's because I had always having the confidence to answer your questions correctly!
How good,if I have the opportunity to approach you.Korkor often asks me this whenever he comes back home:''Eh Ris,how is Cikgu Tan already huh?''Teacher,korkor and I never leave you out of our mind.Korkor is now an illustrator as well as a tutor.Mommy told me,you once said korkor dislikes teaching,haha.But,he is a tutor now.Surprising right?I am sure you feel gald knowing this,don't you?
How good,if you know that I have always bearing in mind what you have taught me.It's too late to let you know.But I believe you saw me,standing in front of you,yesterday.I believe you saw me.And you heard my prayer.Mommy asked you to take care of your health over there ,okay?You have always suffering from intestine and back sore problem.I hope you would be freed from these ailments now,in Heaven.God is beside you.
Right now, I believe you are in the Heaven.The windbell you gave me as my 15th birthday gift is still waving with music,outside mommy's garden.The Teddy photo frame you gave me as my 14th birthday gift is placing firmly on my TV console with korkor's portrait.Teacher,I am telling you these,because I want you to know,I have never erase you form my mind.Did you know,I was disheartened when some of my friends told me that you sent them a message to ask about their SPM result,except me and some of my close friends.Teacher,what I had promised to you,I did it.How I wished I could let you know my result,that moment.
Teacher,teacher,I am writing this for you,on behalf of korkor and mommy.We really feel bad of your leaving.You know what,the moment I recollect those memories and I saw the downcast on the faces of your students,I told myself,Cikgu Tan is a successful educator.I am more determined to push myself,becoming a good and dedicated educator.For your good nor your flaw,we commit to memory.Everyone knows,you are a dedicated teacher.I know,this is what you wish the most in your entire career.You know,what you have sacrificed for us,is appreciated by all of your students,and you deserve it.
Teacher,I know you know it.Every of your student is down and grief with your leaving.But we are going to continue to be a student of yours.As I told Shi Hao,let us continue to be your good student,we must do this to you.We love you,God loves you.
Rest in peace,teacher.Iris and Ivan and mommy always remember you,Cikgu Tan.
Iris misses you.Hope you read this from the Heaven.Hear my prayer.
With Love and Appreciation,11June2012
