The first weekend in the second month of mine, in this city. I came across to write whenever I have garnered some vibes from my small brain. Most often, those monologue in heart give me a pool of self-reflection and open up my mind over certain emotions.
It is just some me time now, with a pair of spectacle on my nose, a thick blanket on my laps above my ass which sits on a yoga mat, with my blogspot and jazz and bozza nova music, a bottle of arrow head on my right and keeping my hand phone 0.5 feet away from me.
I need some me time.
I have undergone ample ups and downs of emotion in the past one month. This is the period I once desired for when I was still diligently pursuing my studies in the higher institutions. I wanted to grow up fast when I was young. I wanted to start to build up my career when I was still a student. I wanted to go after my dream when I have had a dream years ago.
I looked at the sunset through the window at my office, two days ago. Overwhelmed with sorrow and fear, as well as doubt and uncertain. Vomited of gastric acid and in slept in conscious. I woke up in the next morning, looked at the me inside the mirror of my shower room. I saw the smile on my lips, a sound appeared in my head: "You look beautiful when you smile, remember to smile."
We grow, every single day. Loving everyone is not an easy work, it requires us from willingly to give ourselves to the others. It was a hard start for me this year, started my new job right after my master degrees convocation, settling down in a city I never fond on. Ending my long-distance relationship and confronted with my parents on my boyfriend. These are all new chapter for me and I have gotten some thoughts from all these stories.
I learn, again. I asked, Do you wish me to be a selfish lass. You said, "No, You have been a very generous and kind girl." When you secretly put me in your birthday wish, I silently thank you for being thoughtful. Life teaches me that it is wonderful when I smile and have a good heart.
"When I have a good heart, Life will treat me good."
Believe me or not, I have been thinking as such. Going into my 30's in three years time, I have been living a Life of looking perfect to the others. Been achieving many things that many people out there are desire for. Somehow, I am looking for more, to make this Life more meaningful.
At the moment you are thinking I might be still putting an anger on what have been through between us, I just want to be a good human, treating the others the way I want to be treated; not giving others what I am not hoping to receive. The past 25 years of mine was not a smooth journey, and I have always looking forward my next quarters of life to be better with a soul that share the same flavor with me. I looked into the eyes of the soul I love, stared at the back of my parents, listened to the voice of my sibling over the phone call, feeling the concern of friends through words, I know Life loves me. My tears was running, and my heart was cold the moment my heart breaks but I remember I have been a girl who always heal myself with all the positive vibes.
In Life, I make many choices. And I never regret any of them. Knowing what I want and what to do have always been my identity. A lady is beautiful when she has a kind soul which you can tell through her eye ball. I have been giving my love to people I love, and little did I know, the unconditional love is yet to be received.
Unconditional love can only be felt when you give yours, when you are willing to step out from the frame of your mind, you change the way you view the world. Often, we look things from our own angle and adding on our judgement. But time tells. Love grows, love fades, but the a kind heart never fakes.
Looking for my happiness, the very simple happiness in my daily life.
